Proxemics...the Science Behind "the Space"
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Proxemics...the Science Behind "the Space" 〰️
In a recent session with “A” he remarked “you look different…there’s space around you”, and it got me thinking…what is this “space”? Where does this “space” come from? How do I hold onto it? All in all…what does he mean by “space”…?
We all know the term “personal space” but did you know there is actually scientific terminology around it? “Proxemics” is the study of how humans use space and the effects that population density has on behavior, communication, and social interaction. Proxemics is one among several subcategories in the study of non-verbal communication, including haptics (touch), kinesics (body movement), vocalics (paralanguage), and chronemics (structure of time).
Simply put; imagine you have a special space around you, kind of like an invisible bubble. This space is called "proxemics." It's the idea that people like to have different amounts of space between themselves and others, depending on how close they feel to them.
There are 4 main zones within proxemics:
Intimate Zone: This is the space you keep only for the people you are really close to, like your family and best friends. You might give them hugs and stand very close to them.
Personal Zone: This is for friends and people you know well, but not as well as your closest family. You might stand a little bit farther away from them, but you still feel comfortable talking and playing together.
Social Zone: This is for people you might know, like classmates or neighbors. You stand a bit farther away from them than from your friends, and you might not be as touchy.
Public Zone: This is for big groups and people you don't know very well. You keep more distance from them, like when you're in a crowd or at a park with lots of people.
It's important to respect other people's space bubbles and understand how they feel comfortable.
The Boundary Line
Surely if we’re talking about personal space we need to look at boundaries also? You’re totally right! The two are interconnected because both concepts deal with how people define and manage their personal space and comfort levels in different social situations.
Some of the ways proxemics and personal boundaries affect each other:
Respecting Personal Space: Personal boundaries influence how people establish and maintain their preferred distances within each of the proxemic zones (intimate, personal, social, public). When individuals have strong personal boundaries, they are more likely to communicate their comfort levels regarding physical proximity to others.
Communication of Boundaries: Proxemics can be a nonverbal way of communicating personal boundaries.
Cultural and Individual Differences: Both personal boundaries and proxemics can vary across cultures and among individuals. Some people might have a larger personal space bubble due to cultural norms or personal preferences, while others might be more comfortable with closer interactions.
Consent and Comfort: Personal boundaries help individuals determine what kind of physical contact they are comfortable with, which directly relates to proxemics.
Trust and Relationships: Healthy personal boundaries contribute to building trust and positive relationships. When people feel their boundaries are respected, they are more likely to feel comfortable and secure in their interactions. This, in turn, can influence how close they allow others to come within their personal space.
What porcupines teach us about "space"
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What porcupines teach us about "space" 〰️
“The Porcupine Dilemma” is a concept used by philosopher and psychoanalyst Arthur Schopenhauer to illustrate the challenges individuals face in forming and maintaining intimate relationships, particulalry romantic ones. In human terms, the porcupine dilemma suggests that individuals have a natural desire for closeness and intimacy, yet they also fear getting hurt emotionally. This fear of emotional harm can lead people to keep a certain distance from others to protect themselves, just like porcupines regulating their proximity. However, this distancing can prevent the deep emotional connections that are essential for fulfilling, lasting and deeper relationships.
The dilemma highlights the paradox of wanting to be close to others while simultaneously fearing the potential pain that can come from such closeness. It's a way to describe the challenges of vulnerability, trust, and emotional openness in forming meaningful relationships.
It’s a useful metaphor for understanding the balance between intimacy and self-protection, which can help people set healthy boundariees in their relationships. In summary, the Porcupine Dilemma provides a relatable and metaphorical way to approach the complexities of setting boundaries in relationships. It encourages individuals to navigate the balance between closeness and self-preservation, ultimately fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections with others.
“Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach them where the door is.”
So I’ve beeen pretty bad with boundares in the past, I’d do anything for the people I love, and regulalry do with no expectations in return, this means I over-commit and inevitably over-work a lot. Recently I started working to my own boundaries; I have been working on assessing and vocalising my boundaries to people around me and being convict in my decisions. This doesn’t mean I closed myself off from people, I think it’s all to easy to just put up a wall and shut everyone out in the name of “boundary setting” which is just one extreme to another, and in all honesty, it’s just as detrimental as having none at all. The art of setting boundaries lies in building the wall with a door in the middle so you can still keep letting people in, just now it’s on your own terms.
I feel like the “space around” me that “A” refers to is very much attributed to the boundaries I set for myself and others. It’s a refreshing feeling having my own clear boundaries back again, it allows me to organise my time more efficiently and avoid over-commiting. It’s an ongoing thing, which I’m still working on and still looking into, don’t be surprised if theres another “boundaries” post in the near future when I’ve figured it out more. But for now I know what I need to work on and how I need to work on it, which is great and all helps in my personal development.
Don’t lock yourself away for the sake of “boundary setting”…
I’d love to hear peoples thoughts on this, and maybe any experience you want to share related to setting boundaries in personal and professional settings, feel free to leave a comment below or send me your thoughts via email!
’till next time. Ol