You're chasing the wrong thing entirely
~ ~ ~
You're chasing the wrong thing entirely ~ ~ ~
Click the image above for more about Maslow’s Pyramid.
As humans we have evolved (or devolved depending on your view of things) to a point where we believe that perfection is an achievable state, rather than something to strive toward…which to me seems ludicrous in a world that is filled with such imperfection. We are surrounded by imperfections which we caused ourselves; wealth inequality, famine, homelessness, disease and war are all omni-present in todays society, they are societal norms…what a corrupt world we reside where these things are more apparent than compassion, trust, kindness, belonging and love. Maslow’s pyramid is a great visualisation of societal needs and can be a really useful tool when trying to develop ones-self and society around us. Addressing needs from the lower tiers first help pave the way for change throughout the pyramid. These lower levels are often overlooked in todays society.
“ Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.”
In Japan there is an aesthetic known as Wabi-Sabi which is a world view centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of appreciating beauty that is "imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete" in nature. It is prevalent in many forms of Japanese art. Their culture allows for and accepts imperfections, nurturing the ideal that these imperfections make things beautiful, unique and worthwhile.
They have an ancient method of fixing broken crockery with gold infused resins which is both practical and beautiful; Kintsugi. The process of Kintsugi teaches us to find peace in imperfection and embrace it for all that it represents. Life's toils and struggles make us imperfect. None of us will ever be devoid of imperfections. It’s how we respond to that, our personal mission, that truly matters, it’s how we fill those cracks with gold that really makes us unique.
In ancient Kemit (Egypt as it’s now known), physical disabilities or body deformities were considered as divine spiritual attributes granted to humans by the gods. This was expressed in representing certain gods with misshapen bodies or as dwarfs, like the gods Bes, Hapi, forms of Ptah and Ptah-Sokar-Osiris. It’s somewhat amazing that in times gone-by people were not only accepting of imperfections but embracing of them. How we can claim to be evolved when our society is so backward in it’s thinking is beyond me; surely something needs to change?
It’s time to recognise that nothing in life is perfect, not the influencers you follow, the actors in the adverts, not you or I. Instead of striving for flawlessness, find joy in the imperfections that make life unique, if we were all the same it would be a mightily boring world. I recently started on a journey of self-development; both physically and mentally; I took a huge risk, left behind a career I’d been stuck in for some time, a career that was both comfortable and uncomfortable, and started a completely new life; I couldn’t be happier with the decision I made and it has led to be so much more to me than just a 9-5; my work / life seesaw now feels balanced, in turn allowing me to see, with clarity, the things I’d like to work on both within myself and society around me.
In one of my initial interviews for Explore What Matters I was introduced to the notion that there is a crossover point between what you have passion for and what the world needs, and this is where your purpose lies. I’m currently doing a self-study for work around my journey into the world of experiential development so I won’t go into too much detail right now; but what I will say is that in finding that purpose, I have also found clarity, drive, passion and peace in my daily life. I am embracing my own imperfections and identifying ways to develop, improve, progress around them, most of the time WITH them. Working with such wonderful, passionate, intelligent, inspiring people has brought out a part of my personality that was long hidden; a continual desire for self-improvement and the pursuit of excellence. I challenge myself every day, and every day I assess and re-challenge myself. I wake up early every morning, walk my dogs, eat some fresh fruit, drink my freshly ground coffee, complete my daily breathing exercises and spend time with the massage gun ironing out the aches from the day before. I never rush, but I’m always excited to get to the office. Is it still a massive risk? Yes, without a doubt. Am I embracing the challenges and throwing myself head first at them? You bet I am!
Where has the obsession with perfection come from?
I was doing some research at work into behavioural complexes and how we can overcome them. I came across an article in the New Scientist which describes a worrying trend apparent in todays (mainly younger) society, a mental-pandemic brewing, with an obsession based around perfectionism rather than excellence. Obsessing over impossible standards for ourselves and of others is on the rise, you can blame Disney all you like for this but we all know that social media is probably the biggest factor to blame. When you look deeper, there are a lot of studies into how “Millennials” and members of “Gen-Z” are the first generations in modern history that struggle to define “what love is”; if you were to ask your father, your mother, your grandmother they’d probably be able to give you an answer quite easily, and I’d gamble the word “perfect” doesn’t feature. Pyschologist David Burns is famed for saying “Reaching for the stars, perfectionists may end up clutching at air”, this obsession with reaching for something unobtainable regularly clouds vision and progress; from a positive perspective, it drives people to exceptional performance, but in its maladaptive form perfectionism drives people to attempt to achieve unattainable or unrealistic goals. This can be seen in both professional and personal settings within modern day society. Unrealistic goals and expectations force perfectionists to completely miss out on the uniquely exceptional around them.
“People call those imperfections, but no, that’s the good stuff.”
I have recently come to undersand (with help from my long-suffering therapist and a lot of self-reflection) that although it sounds wonderful to find someone who’s “perfect” and live a “perfect life”, I am not a “perfectionist” and that has a serious affect on how I share affection with people. The persuit of perfection, or more-so, the persuit of excellence as it should be known, is something I believe in. You don’t fall in love with someone because they are perfect, and you shouldn’t be looking for someone who’s perfect either…you should fall in love with someone becasue of how they make you feel, deep down in your soul; a connection of hearts, minds and bodies. The harder you work, the longer you spend together, the more you intwine your souls and lives, the more excellence you achieve…it’s meant to be a marathon not a sprint afterall (although I’m not so sure that’s how people see things these days.).
So what do I strive for then? Surely I want to be perfect? It’s much more simple to grasp when you realise that perfection as in impossible goal; whether that’s in relationships or at work. There is nothing wrong with the idea of perfection as an unobtainable goal, but the best you’ll ever achieve is excellence, and why isn’t that seen in such a high regard? There will always be something else to strive for, something “more perfect” so why not strive for the best you can be, not an impossible goal set by an ignorant society?
Development, Excellence and Courage
Why perfection? What is the obsession? As behaviour development specialists we strive to provide people with the tools to achieve excellence. Our goals are to help people achieve their goals. We try to use beautiful natural surroundings (when possible) to help give people time to reflect, learn, grow both personally and professionally; supporting, challenging and inspiring them to create sustainable, life-changing habits that will make a positive difference to people, workplaces, society, and the planet we live on. We create relevant learning opportunities by translating the latest research from the fields of positive psychology, well-being and leadership development into pragmatic action.
We are naturally imperfect and this makes us all uniquely beautiful.
As a photographer I understand the quest all to well. The perfect shot, perfect subject, perfect aperture. Although I have a (slight) obsession with traditional film photography and all it’s imperfections. With film cameras you have to adjust and account for everything, air temperature, sunlight, moisture levels, time of day, light direction and so much more, not to mention film and lens selections which are numerous. I love candid photos, catching people in their most natural state with pure, raw emotions. Somewhere between sneaking portraits and street / urban / dereliction photography is a point where I am at my happiest, always behind the camera. I am not a fan of having my photo taken…if you have a photo with me, I must really like you…
I hope that one day I can use my photography to inspire people to create a better society for all, I hope that through work I can help to inspire people to make courages changes for good and I hope I continue to develop personally; inspiring myself to always believe in myself and to continually strive for excellence. If you like any of my images I am taking orders for prints and framing. Check out my portfolios and please share / like / comment!
“To love another human in all of her splendor and imperfect perfection , it is a magnificent task...tremendous and foolish and human.”
Till next time. Ol. x
N.B. “Pursuit is misspelled purposefully. It’s meant to be ironical.