“Don’t let your loyalty become slavery. If they don’t appreciate what you bring to the table, let them eat alone.”
The sun sets on today and will rise tomorrow anew.
So for any of you that don’t know me personally. I hate my job. Or “hated” is a more apt term seeing as I just quit. This is the first anyone is hearing about it so you‘d be right in being surprised. It literally just happened. I have been trapped in a place that completely under-valued me and abused my loyalty for far far too long. I have been promised progression, development and positions of responsibility time and time again to no avail. Why I continued to believe them is beyond me. but I no longer have to question that. I have decided that it’s time to chase some dreams and dive down the rabbit hole, see where life takes me.
The overwhelming feeling of relief that consumes me at the moment is indescribable. If you’ve ever felt trapped by anything that you were so desperate to get away from but for one reason or another you just couldn’t seem to step away, if you’ve ever been stuck in a job, a house, a relationship, a space or time…you’ll understand how deafening it is. It’s like having to drag a boulder around with you on a big metal chain. Over the past 12 months I have been dragging a lot of boulders around, boulders I wish i could have let go of sooner, that have consumed me, that have changed me, that have broken me. Not only me either, their effects have caused rifts with friends, pushed family away and broken the bonds of love. If I could give myself one piece of advice 12 months ago….it would have been to follow my heart and not my head. Stop allowing my loyalty to enslave me.
It’s a difficult prospect for me, loyalty is probably one of my strongest and best features; I’m unwaveringly loyal to a fault. So much so it allows me to be completely consumed by people and situations. I am too trusting in people and their words which, in return, causes me to question my own nature. So much so that over the last 12 months I have been completely consumed by “ghosts” as Phil Stutz would say. A fear of failure. A fear of being trapped. A fear of not progressing. A fear of failing my loved ones. A fear of losing myself to my own fears.
“You know you’ve really grown when you find yourself at your lowest, and instead of slipping into destructive behaviours, bad habits or toxic vices, you double down on your rituals, goals, self-care and positive habits”
Someone I hold dear to me recently sent me this with “thought of you xx” as the caption. I am a firm believer that it is our reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines who we are in life, and I have reacted. It is my actions moving on from this moment in time, that will define who I am and how I am remembered. The things I want in life; adventures, travel, excitement, people, places and stories to tell…I’m coming for you…and I’ll be seeing you soon.
Relief.
This has been two of the most important weeks of my life thus far. In terms of personal progression, professional development, mental growth and physical wellness. If I could define this period of time I would explain it as an awakening, waking up from a comatose state to the world as it is. No more expectations and no more presumptions, no more regrets, no more being ruled by my fears, no more slavery to my loyalty.